Words in Hand

Now we were expecting his mother to come. I went into his flat, it was awful, you know a man on his own can't keep a flat tidy, he really needs a woman there. So I tided it up made it spick and span for his mother coming. He said 'My mother often comes!' I said 'No, let's make it nice, What are we going to make them to eat?' 'Er' he said: 'I don't know: 'Fish and chips? Chinese? Something light?' I said 'That's not nice, I must cook something they're driving a long way.'

'Okay, please yourself.' So, I bought a steak pie.

He had an oven, there were four rings and two grills. Now, I made the vegetables, prepared potatoes and I went for the pie. I said 'Is the oven working?' He said 'Yes'. But it must have completely slipped his mind. So I went to open the oven door and nearly collapsed at the sight! There were piles of books jammed into the oven! I thought, wait till Clark comes home!

Back he marched into the house. I said 'Where do you keep your books?' He said 'There are piles in the cupboards, or in the drawers.' I said 'You keep them in the oven! You idiot! If I lit the oven they could have been burned!' 'Oh! I forgot!' he said. So we cleared them out. I was annoyed at the time, but afterwards I chuckled to myself.

Then his mother came, the lights flashed, I opened the door. Mother came in and father and they sat down, I served the meal. Mother said 'That's the first time I've had a cooked meal.' I was on tenterhooks, I couldn't join into the conversation, I'm really hoping they're enjoying their meal. I sat and watched, making sure everything was all right, then we chatted away. Everything seemed to go well and later, father said 'That was a great meal!' I said 'Yes, but it could have been spoiled!'

'Why?'

'Because your son keeps books in the oven!' Father nearly lost his head!